If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
