I feel like abortions should bother me more
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
