Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
