I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hippo gnu deer
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize