i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh god it's open bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
