Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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