All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
