is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
