My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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