who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry about my life...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
