She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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