So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
