we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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