DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize