Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
