what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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