if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
