Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
