Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
