Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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