i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
