dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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