rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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