Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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