Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
