We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
