Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
