Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
