Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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