Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
