How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
