even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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