I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize