I will die if light touches me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
