So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
