in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
