I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
