I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
