All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
