dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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