I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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