I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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