just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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