Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
