my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
