you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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