remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
