I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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