An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
