i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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