I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
