Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
