Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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