I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
