Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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