If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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