Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
