so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
