I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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