Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
