I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
