Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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