I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
