the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
