he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize