nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
