clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
