you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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