he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
