Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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