Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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