I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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