he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
