On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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