so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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