why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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