We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
