is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
